In Which We Clean Up a Minor Plot Inconsistency
by germainfirebrand
Summary: Why do the background ponies not get enough love? Well I aim to change that with the help of...comic relief. Some of the background ponies along with one that i just made up have to go fight Queen Chrysalis after she and the Changelings were blasted Team Rocket style out of Canterlot. A Riff Track style fan fiction.
1. Chapter 1

A quick note from the author: I am trying my hooves at some comedy because I am horrible at making sad scenes. Here is a nice riff track style fan fiction that I wrote to give some love to some of the background ponies. Enjoy.

. . .

_Damn it, I'm late. Again._

Being late was one of those things he was good at, among other things. After all, one did not become captain of the Nightguard without being good at his job. Well, it may be too soon to say he was captain just yet, especially since he was late for his ceremony.

_Why does this castle have to be so damned confusing? Have the Princesses never heard of straight lines?_

Of course, he would have never said that out loud; it wasn't a good idea to piss off a pair of eternal Goddess-Monarchs. How does one become eternal anyway? Is there some potion you drink or a spell…

_FUCK! I missed my turn._

After a large amount of back winging, the stallion was on the right course to the main hall.

_Man, the Weapons Master is going to kill me…if _she _doesn't find me first._

She would never forgive him if he didn't make it in time, and she scared him more than the Weapons Master, the Princesses, and Captain Shining Armor put together.

_Not for long Shine. My superior is about to become my equal. FUCK!_

Lost in another one of his internal monologues, he barely had time to register that he was at the Ceremony Chamber before he smacked into the doors.

:_How embarrassing would that be?_:

_Shut up, narrator._

:_Make me, bitch._:

He made a final check of his uniform to make sure it wasn't too ruffeled by his mad flight here…

:_It's made of metal, not that much to ruffle._:

_Narrator, I swear to Luna I will kill you._

:_Please, you don't even know where I am._:

_Want to bet?_

:_400 bits._:

_Damn, son of a bitch called my bluff._

:_I can hear you, ya know._:

_Why don't we argue after I become captain._

:_Fine, mister impatience hooves. I'll have a bottle of champagne and a few cigars waiting for you and your lady friend._:

_Wait, how did you-_

:_I'm omniscient bitch._: the narrator said as he faded back into the story, leaving the Nightguard wondering how something that wasn't even a part of the story could have…_Damn internal monologues._

The doors mysteriously opened and the obligatory entrance music started, everypony turned their heads and woke up to induct the new Night Captain. Some notable figures in the audience included his father and sister, his old piano teacher, M. Night Shyamalan(pony form), that mail mare with the kooky eyes, the Mane 6-_Wait where did that come from_-and Steven Hawking(once again, pony form). As the new captain wondered how some of these people managed to get in this story, he looked up and noted the ponies on the dais: Princess Celestia was behind Luna and to the right, the former Night Captain was to Luna's left, Shining Armor was to Celestia's left, Weapons Master Firebrand was off to the right and standing in a partial shadow, as was his way. But the pony that captured his attention the most was the lilac Pegasus pony standing off to the left, his second in command and main focus of his heart-

:_We get it, she's the hero's love interest, just introduce her already or I will._:

Cloudchaser, the most beautiful pegasi in all of Equestria. Her natural bed head was one of the many perks that he loved about her.

:_You feel nauseous and tingly all over. You are either in love or you have small pox._:

Doing his best to ignore the narrator and not laugh, the captain to be took his place next to his second in command. Now normally they would perform their usual greeting of coping feels and making out in a furious manner-

:_I would not want to see that, must be like two Elephant Seals fighting over a cherry._:

but since there were other ponies in the room, they settled on small talk.

"So how dead am I?" he whispered, trying not to let his mouth move.

"About thirty-two minuets worth," she whispered back. "What were you doing that made you so late?"

"Um…"

:_Cut back to right before the ceremony, we see a silhouette of our 'hero'(why am I calling him the hero when this is a team effort fan fic? He isn't even canon, oh well) moving his right hoof furiously while grunting. We round the corner into the hero's room and we find him sprawled on the couch holding an Xbox controller playing Modern Warmare._:

"Thank you, narrator," Cloudchaser whispered. "Goofing off again, huh? Guess I'll just have to punish you when this is all over.

:_Hey you two, this isn't a clop fic. Keep that in mind._:

"Thank you narrator," the soon to be captain whispers. "You can leave now."

:_I would be nice to me if I were you. My OC is your superior, and I can make your life a living hell until you leave for the main plot action._:

"I will keep that in mind," the stallion whispered.

While this small amount of dialogue was taking place, the Princesses were going through the normal introductions and giving of honors that came with every ceremony. It was finally time to induct the new captain; the old one stepped down, new one comes forward, kisses the Moon Princesses hoof, him and Shining Armor go through their whole 'protect the kingdom during night and day thing', and now we finally get the introduction of the first of the cast.

Princess Luna took a step back, "Rise, Night Captain Delacroix."

Resounding cheers all around, Delacroix sees his father and sister cheering with tears streaming down their eyes, his old piano teacher had that 'now if only he had practiced' look on her face, the Mane 6 were clapping their hooves, waiting for the disaster that would force them to go get the Elements of Harmony and save the day once again-

:_Fat chance, this a tribute to the Background Ponies and one guy that I just made up in five minutes while playing Chaos Legion._:

and M. Night Shyamalan and Steven Hawking sat in wonder at how they became ponies.

Delacroix felt like he was on top of the world, nothing could get better than this-

"I'll see you tonight," Cloudchaser whispered in his ear before vanishing into the crowd.

and it just got better-

Germain Firebrand, Weapons Master and temporary Day Captain while Shining Armor is on his honey moon, walked over and whispered in his ear, "Meet me in my office at 9 A.M. We have a lot to talk about.

and it just got worse, but that didn't matter, because tonight he was going to party his ass off.

. . .

Author note: Well wasn't that lovely. Personally, I don't think I did that bad a job, but even if no pony reads this(of if they do and think it's terrible) I will keep writing this series with next to no regard for plot(well maybe a little). Hope you all enjoy what comes next.


	2. Chapter 2

:_One hot and steamy lovemaking session later…_:

_ I thought you said this wasn't a clop fic?_

:_Just make sure it's like that CGI Beowulf movie that came out a few years ago._:

_I am just going to pretend like I know what that is for the sake of the fic._

:_Good man, now where was I?_:

_You were telling the audience that me and my mare friend had sex._

:_Ah, right. After Delacroix got done 'doing the nasty' with Cloudchaser, he promptly fell asleep, leaving the mare feeling completely unsatisfied…_:

_HEY!_

:_She left in a huff, thinking about leaving him…_:

_Seriously, this is not funny._

:_Not for you, maybe, but I'm having the time of my life. He slept almost until his scheduled meeting with the Weapons Master, nearly missing the very important office call…_:

_OH,SHIT._

:_ And so, the first member of the cast struggled to find the bits of dress uniform that were thrown about the room. Normally, he had Cloudchaser's help, she always managed to keep track of where they threw their clothes; probably because the sex is just that bad that she needs something to concentrate on while Delacroix flops on top of her like a fish out of water…_:

"I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!"

:_Since I'm the one writing this story, if I sleep, you sleep. To save time, we will say that Delacroix found his uniform just in time to rush to the Weapons Master's office. And…cue scene._:

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Delacroix asked hesitantly, wondering what he might have done wrong this time.

"Sit down, son." Delacroix sat in the leather chair opposite the large pony's desk. He had his back turned to the Night Captain. " I'm just going to ignore the fact that you were almost late for your becoming captain ceremony _and _almost late for this meeting-"

"Wait, how did you know-"

"-because the Princesses have a very important mission for you," Firebrand continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"What's my mission sir?"

"Remember a few months ago when those Changelings attacked Canterlot and you were helping Princess Luna keep most of them at bay with that big, fancy star laser system she set up?"

"…"

:_Cut to that HUGE battle in one of the best episodes of MLP yet, where Princess Luna was in her planetary defense control room trying to fight the Changelings off of herself _and _keep most of them away from Canterlot._:

_"Where is that guard, I am being overrun," she shouted as she tore Changelings apart with her hooves and magic_

:_Cut again to Delacroix's living quarters, where we find the future captain sleeping with dubstep blasting through his headphones._:

"Um…yes…sir, I do remember," Delacroix said.

:_Photoshop Le Pokerface and…done._:

"Well, we need you to go out to where they were blasted and finish the job. We can't let them continue living after what they did to our Princess."

"Alright, sir. Give me the mission specs. and I will-"

"We."

"…What sir?"

"We will."

"Are…you coming with me sir?"

"Oh, hell no. I meant the rest of your team. And this isn't up to you, so don't give me that 'I work alone' bullshit."

Delacroix sighed, "Fine, where are they?"

"I'll be kidnaping them in the next chapter."

"What?"

"I'll be recruiting them in the next chapter."

"Oh," Delacroix said. "Wait, so this entire chapter was just me arguing with the narrator and you telling me that I have to go on a mission?"

"Yes."

:_Exactly._:

"I think we may need a better writer. So what do we do for the rest of the chapter?"

"We stop. The chapter's over," Germain said decisively.

:_I just needed to get the main plot out to the audience, and this chapter has done its job. See you next time folks._:

. . .

Authors note: A short one today to make up for the fact that I didn't write anything yesterday, but don't worry, Monday will have a longer chapter. I just needed to write this before I do some stuff for me and my friends Youtube channel, SouLiberator. Hope you all enjoyed.


	3. Chapter 3

:_Alright, lets kidnap some ponies, first on the list…Spitfire!_:

It was a near perfect day and Spitfire has been trapped inside all day. The oldest member of the Wonderbolts, Doc, just retired and now Spitfire had to find a replacement for him.

_As if some pony could replace Doc. It's sure as hell none of these losers. _Over a hundred auditions and not an ounce of talent between the lot of them. _Why can't we go back to the days when every pony could have done this job in their sleep._

:_I know how you feel sister._:

Spitfire continued with the paperwork for the next contestant and was pleasantly surprised to find that it was Rainbow Dash, that pegasi who had saved her life when she tried to save that one unicorn during the Best young Flyers Competition. _This ought to be good._

"Rainbow Dash, good to see you," she said as the cyan pegasus entered the audition chamber.

"H-h-hi Sp-sp-spitfire," she said nervously.

"Why don't you give me another taste of what you can do, like what we saw at the Best Young Flyers Competition."

The fact that they were both talking about a common interest seemed to relax Rainbow Dash, "I'm on it."

Rainbow launched into the air and executed a well thought out and well-made routine; she was almost distracted by a flash of light coming from the ground, but she just thought that Spitfire was taking pictures. Rainbow's routine went on for same time, but not too long that any pony would be bored; she finished with her trademark Sonic-Rainboom and landed panting. "How *pant* was that*pant*? Spitfire?" Rainbow looked up to find an empty desk in an empty room, Spitfire was nowhere to be found.

:_Hahaha. I hope Rainbow gets into the Wonderbolts but that is just funny. Let's get the next pony, Colgate. Cut to…a dentist office._:

"Alright Pinkie, let's see how bad it is this time," the blue unicorn said while opening the sugar addicts mouth. "What the hell?" the teeth were perfectly white except for the black writing that was etched into her teeth, it said 'Stocking was here', whatever that meant.

:_Ha, nice._:

"Pinkie, I don't know what you have been doing but we have to put you under, again, and do a complete overhaul of your mouth. Again," Colgate said, sounding very bored.

"Oki Doki Loki," the pink Earth pony said, seeming not to care that this was the fourth time this month that she was having surgery.

Colgate knocked Pinkie out with her magic and secured her to the chair; at least Pinkie was keeping her in business. Colgate formed her magic into a cleansing needle and bent over the unconscious pony to begin work…

A sudden flash of light teleported the blue unicorn away from her patient, leaving Pinkie Pie unconscious until she could revive her.

:_Those of you who understood that reference, thank you. Now let's move on to…oh who should we pick next um…screw it, we'll do Braeburn. Cut to AAAAAAAPPLEOOSA!_:

It was hot, almost unbearably so, but the large stallion was used to working in the heat, so he kept-

:_Wait, wrong fan fic, sorry._:

It was great day to live in Appleoosa, but then again, when wasn't it a good day the live here. This town was great, what with its saloon and acres of apple trees; Braeburn couldn't think of a better place to live, especially now that the settler ponies and the buffalo were getting along.

Braeburn trotted through the orchard to inspect the workers and think about just how great Appleoosa is. Him and the buffalo chief's daughter, Little Strongheart, had hit it off tremendously, and now they were engaged.

As he trotted passed the workers, he could see them all staring at him and hear them sigh; he wasn't sure why they did this, but he didn't stop them.

:_One of the many pony internet rules is that everyone is gay for Braeburn, it's just a fact of this fandom._:

He kept trotting and ignoring the ponies swooning over him and went to where he knew his bride was going to be. They always met underneath Bloomberg and today was no exception. He crested the hill and he locked eyes with his bride to be and…

A bright flash of light teleported him away.

Little Strongheart stood frozen with shock at the sudden disappearance of the love of her life…and then the rage came.

"BRAEBURN IS GONE?"

The Appaloosians were is a panic, "We lost our eye candy!" "How will we survive?" "Sanctuary."

:_And back to me. Have to say, I'm kind of enjoying making the ponies lives hell, but that's just in the fandom. In the show: I do want Rainbow to join the Wonderbolts and I doubt that Pinkie would need that much dental work and Braeburn and Little Strangheart will probably not be a canon ship, but that's just fine. Who next…ah, got it. Lyra._:

The eccentric, sea foam green unicorn was up to her normal Lyra-ness. Most ponies may not know it, but Lyra had as much magical talent as Twilight Sparkle, she just chose not to show it off…

:_Or because you're a background character but whatever._:

and was currently using he magic to help her pull a prank on Twilight. She had mastered the cloud walking spell months before Twilight even attempted it, so she was going to scare the piss out of the lavender unicorn by not only waking on a cloud by Twilight's window, but doing it as a human. The human thing took less magic than the cloud walking but more concentration.

:_This is probably one of the most elaborate pranks of all time, I could not ruin this just because of how funny it sounds._:

The hard part of this was going to get up on top of the clouds, but Lyra had that part covered to; just steal Twilight's hot air balloon.

:_This seems very expensive and I love it._:

After that feat of grand larceny was completed, Lyra readied her spells; first the cloud walking then the human illusion…

:_Here we go!_:

Lyra magically moved the cloud into position and jumped out in front of Twilight's library and started dancing. Twilight had no words to describe what she was seeing; it was a white, hairless ape that was wearing cloths and dancing on a cloud. The Lyra-human performed a large number of dances, including The Berny, the Catdaddy, and ending her performance with the Living Tombstone. Immediately after she was done, a bright flash of light teleported her away, making sure that Twilight would never be able to prove what she saw.

. . .

Authors note: Here you go, your next chapter. Finished this right before I have to go to work. Now, because of me starting working, I do not know when I will be able to write the next chapter, but just know that I have not forgotten about it. I may be working on another serious fan fic like Big Macintosh's Deathblow. See you all next time.


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